CERTIFIED NONSENSE
CERTIFIED NONSENSE
Is the podcast where one man, one mic, and one slightly unhinged brain run wild. Hosted by CREIGORY , this solo show dives headfirst into everyday life, the weirdness of people and the random thoughts that shouldn't be said out loud-but are anyway.
Expect rants, stories, side tangents, and the kind of humor that makes you nod, laugh, and sometimes question my metal stability. No guest, no filters, just unapologetic nonsense straight from the brain that refuses to stay quiet.
If you've ever argued with your microwave, judged your neighbor's lawn too hard, or wondered if everyone else is just faking being normal-you'll fit right in here.
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CERTIFIED NONSENSE
Certified Nonsense: Adventures in Multitasking and Moonshine
Welcome back. If you've never joined before or you haven't listened, this is the greatest podcast out there. It's certified nonsense. My name's Craig. Today I'm going to take you down a wild wild ride of my ADHD. Is what they call it, or ADD, you know. Some people call it ADD, some people call it genius. What do you call it? It's just how my brain's wired. I'm your host. If you've ever had five projects going on at one time I call it multitasking, but some people call it ADD Then congratulations. You're probably just like me or a meth head.
Speaker 1:They kind of run Same circles, baby. They do a lot of shit, but don't get nothing done. Problem is, I get shit done. They kind of run same circles, maybe they do a lot of shit, but don't get nothing done. Problem is I get shit done. So that music you listen to, that is Treaty Oak Revival. They're the best out there right now. If you haven't heard them, you need to play them. That is a great song called One Time Thing. Let's listen to a little bit more of it. It's a West Texas band, baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah, baby.
Speaker 1:That's talking about one-time thing, one-night stand, west Texas. You know, if you're on an old rig, I'm sure you've had a one-night stand. If not, you did with your palm, pamela and the five sisters, right? Yeah, you should read my shirt. It is my duty to eat her booty. I mean, what else are you supposed to do while you're down there, right? But let's get back to the show. Let's talk about a reoccurring thing in my life. I stay busy all the time and for some reason folks don't understand that. They call it scatterbrained. You know, add. You know I call it attention deficit bad-ass. I call it living with badass. I call it living with flavor. You ever lived with flavor. I do so. You ever had 15 projects going on one time and you know where everything's going on. You know what's happening, where everything's at you. Just take a break from doing that task, right? You know they call it ADD. I call it Monday.
Speaker 1:You know you ever been mid-conversation and halfway through it you're thinking, man, did I leave my steel running? That's not ADD, that's priorities, people Priorities. Some people can do more than one task. You know Now, look, I know what it looks like. One minute I'm brewing up some smooth ass corn liquor and the next I'm under a golf cart covering grease trying to rig up an old bluetooth speaker. You know me, kel. I'm trying to top you every time I can, but I get bored with one task, right, you know, the way I look at it is the way I look at it. I come inside, I wash up, play a little Fortnite, stomping some kid from I Was Asked 13, having him cry.
Speaker 1:Then I'm right back at it, checking on the liquor, checking on my wife, checking on the pool. I'm always busy. People call, call it squirrel, scatterbrain. You know, I I don't know what to call it. The way I look at it is I get shit done. I do start a lot of shit, but I get shit done.
Speaker 1:That's not add, that's diversified skill development. Most of you just don't know how to handle it. Now I got to understand. You know, if you want to sit on a couch and binge watch Netflix all day long, I can binge watch two episodes of a different show and still get shit done. That's why I bounce between all this stuff. It's simple I get bored, you ever get bored. They'll get shit done. That's why I bounce between all this stuff. It's simple I get bored, you ever get bored. You know it's easy just to sit there. You know twiddling the thumbs, but I just keep it moving. I got an active mind, a restless hands, and when I put them together, that's when the magic happens, baby. You know, minor explosion, explosion, either way, it's entertaining, right? That's how you lesson learn, right? That's how you learn shit. You gotta use your hands. You gotta do it yourself. I'm not cheap. I just rather figure it out myself. There's been many times I've had to pay somebody to come fix my shit. My fuck ups, but it's very rare. My brother calls me southern engineer. You know. If you don't know what that means, that's rigging. But I will never leave us stranded. We will always get home one way or another. Paper clip, rubber band and a penny. I may start a vehicle. You never know. I may create a charger off your, your phone. We're not going to be stranded. I'll figure it out. But let's talk about my moonshine. Everybody talks shit. You know they think it's funny. You know they, they see it, they think of. I'm out here in the woods, wearing overalls, whistling, playing banjo. I mean, I do play the guitar. My wife laughs. Truth is, it's science, baby, real freaking science. You have to measure shit. You have to use math. I'm out there mathing, not mething, mathing completely different. One's got e, those got a and a lot of other shit to it, you know. But you have to measure the precise temperature. You have to clean the fermentator. You have to make sure it is spotless. Any organism, any bacteria, it's going to ruin it. I don't know if you can hear my fermentator bubbling right now, but I've got two five-gallon buckets churning up some good mash right now. It's going to make some good clear liquor.
Speaker 1:Well, as I should say since we're in the state of Texas, it's going to make some really good distilled water. But the way I look at it is, I'm Walter White right, Just on a different level. My friend Nick called me Walter White Jr, which has kind of fucked up since he was a little special needs kid. You know. That just goes to show how my friends think about me.
Speaker 1:Or that's how they fuck with you right, you can't deal with getting picked on and you're probably sitting in a dark room playing video games all the time. Builds up your confidence, right, beating up on women. You know you're probably five foot two, thinking you're 512. You're wearing, you know you're probably wearing some lights in your shoes to make you look taller. Yeah, that's what I said, lights.
Speaker 1:But you know, anyways, the setup alone takes, you know, hours just to get the steel right, just to get it clean, sanitize the jars. You know, heating the mash slow, because if you burn it it's worthless. Everybody likes it. They like that worthless, everybody likes it. They like that pineapple, oh, they like that pineapple. That's the only patient time that I have is getting that mash right. Right, and you know why? Because I know if I rush it I'm either gonna blow up the garage or I'm gonna have a lot of jar full of disappointment. Nobody wants that. That's what I had at the beginning. Right, that gasoline? That shit was hot. You drink it and it burns all the way down to your toes. But you know, but as soon as that still is cooking, I'm off. I got hours. I ain't just sitting there watching vapor turn to liquor, distilled water, that is, you know, so I pivot. That's where I get on the golf cart.
Speaker 2:You know there's a lot I could do.
Speaker 1:I've cleaned my garage probably 900 times. My buddy Mike makes fun of me every time. I'm sorry I don't have a little man cave like you got. That is my man cave. Out there Everything's in the right place. It may be unorganized looking, it may be distraught, but I know where shit's at.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about the golf cart. I know I've rebuilt that engine at least six times or put a new engine in it's only because I like to make it go faster. It's not that I'm doing anything wrong, but I've rolled it a couple times. But you know I've got it all lifted up. Now it looks really nice, got a good radio in it. You know I'm always finding something new on kell's cart that I gotta have, right, he's the's the one who keeps buying it, so I just copy him. His wife's gotta love that. She's always trying to one-up me. Problem is I just wait till he buys it and then I just copy him. But I've taken that thing apart so many times.
Speaker 1:It probably thinks it's a Lego set. Everybody in my neighborhood probably thinks it's a Lego set. It's loud but it runs. Know it's gas powered. It'll do willies. It'll run most carts in the neighborhood. Is that why I did it. No, I did it because it's something to do.
Speaker 1:I'm not boring, I will never be. You know, when somebody describes me it'd be boring, squirrel, you know. Misdirection, not focused. It's not a really true definition of me, because I'm always focused on something, just not for very long, right, I didn't saw a backup camera, if I felt like I needed, on my golf cart. Who needs a backup camera on your golf cart? I think Kel installed one because he's stupid. But if you don't know this Kel guy, he's a really good friend of ours in the neighborhood. He's actually one of those guys that you talk to and you feel like you're related to him, right. But when I get stuck, frustrated, I drop a soccer branch where I can't get it, I don't get mad, I just dust off, go inside, turn on the playstation, destroy some fortnight.
Speaker 1:Try to get you know a little further in college. You know NCAA. I can't, though I suck. I used to be dominant at it, but these kids have gotten smarter, quicker, learned a little bit more check moves. I think they'd be cheating, though. If there's a way to cheat them, kids know it. I think AI is playing for them. They just racking up the points AI is going to take over the world before you know it.
Speaker 1:Gaming Is it a waste of time? Not really. If that's all you do, you know is game and you know you don't do anything else, you're not productive or I don't know, you're just lazy, all you do is sit in your chair and act cool, then yeah, it's unproductive, but it's also therapy. You know Call of Duty. You get on there, you murder 300 or 400 people, got to kill. You know kill shot. That relieves tension. Some people think it's so. You know they get anxiety from playing, not me. I find that soothing, but I'm not everybody right. If that was the case, then everybody would be building shit working with their hands. Just not everybody's out there doing it.
Speaker 1:Have you ever been trying to organize a squad of four random internet strangers capture an object? It's almost impossible. They're just as scatterbrained as I am. Right. Well, I know my buddy mike. He, he can't play duos. I don't know why he don't play. Maybe just don't want to play with nobody. But the minute you know you jump out of the damn boat. He's going in a different direction, but it's okay, he does, mike right? Well, yes, sometimes I do forget in the middle of a place, a golf cart tire. But guess what, when I come back to it I've got a better plan, a fresher mind and maybe a better kill street.
Speaker 1:I don't get bored, I don't stay relaxed. You know, if I sit still too long I'm gonna go to sleep. You know they call it the add right the argument. So when people say, man, you got ad, I say no, I got things to do. They don't, they can't comprehend. I feel sorry for them. They've tried to give me no medication. They don't do shit. I guess it made me go to sleep, if that tells you anything. Who wants to do that? Right, I mean, I like to sleep. I get my good six hours a night, but fuck that medication. You know I can't't take pills anyway. Everybody knows about my gout issues Just because I won't take a daily pill. Right, it's so stupid. But double back, I got distracted. So I ended up doing things four times at once. You know, four things at once. Guess what? Let's all get done.
Speaker 1:Eventually I'm in my own twisted, tangled, roundabout way. They're done, unorganized, but there's done. Next thing, you know I'll be out there cleaning the pool. You know it gets an idea in my mind. Then I'm building something. I'm always moving. I'm not saying you need to always be moving, but it wouldn't hurt sometimes. But what are you going to do? Some folks sit and binge watch Netflix for eight hours. No one blinks, but I can watch two episodes of anything I want. Get up, rearrange the pantry, tell the boy to take out the trash, build a moonshine thumper. It's not about finishing everything at once, it's always having something to do.
Speaker 1:We always had Legos as kids and just building shit. Some of us did. Some of us couldn't go outside because they're allergic to everything, because their mama you know Mama told them that way. But it's because those kids are really fucked up. But what are you going to do, right? My mama said go outside and play till the lights come on. And if your ass wasn't home when the street lights come on and you didn't get home after that first whistle, it was definitely your ass. Most kids you know today don't even go outside. It's crazy. You don't see bikes in front of yards and you know water hoses strung out. You don't see that shit front of yards and water hoses strung out. You don't see that shit these days.
Speaker 1:Society has changed and all that does is change our kids. It changes the way they do things. I'm not saying it's bad, but it's not great. You can't. You know the Internet's not going to fix the world. They say it's trying, but I just don't believe so.
Speaker 1:Right, you know, I got friends that are not mechanically inclined. They couldn't fix it Something to save their life, even if they watched 10 YouTube videos of it. They just don't know how the ratchet turns. Right, I don't want that to be me. I don't want it to be my kids. If that's the way you want to live, then that's you. Do not helping them out later on in life, for sure. But there is a method to my madness. Let me break it down. The moonshine that's my legacy and that's the craft right Gives me something to do and you know I've got an end product. The golf cart that's my piece, my ride, my problem to solve, right? That's why I break it or I can fix it. Video games that's just my release. If you can't get released playing Call of Duty and you get all anxiety and works up, I can't help you there, you need to play chess or something, right?
Speaker 1:And all that random stuff in between. That's just how I keep life a little spicy. All that random stuff in between, that's just how I keep life a little spicy. People need to stop, you know, pathologically telling every damn thing. Not as everything needs to be labeled. Some of us just don't like to have a buffet of activities I love.
Speaker 1:It Doesn't mean I'm broken, it means I'm booked and busy. So maybe you should get booked and busy. Maybe you'll get some more shit done around your house, or maybe tear the fucking house apart trying to figure out how it works. Like I said, it's a thin line between meth and math. Right, just saying so, let me hit you with the certified nonsense rant of the week. Okay, y'all ever noticed how the same people who call you ADD are the ones who haven't changed their shirts in 20 years? Mm Like, I'm sorry, susan, but maybe if you stop watching reruns of Matlock and picked up a socket wrench, you wouldn't be so quick to be diagnosing me. Motherfuckerirrel, right, stay in your own lane. I'm not hyper, I'm not lazy, I'm creative and I don't need a doctor. I need a bigger garage. Let's listen to more of that Treaty Over Vow. What do you think? Thank, you.
Speaker 2:When I'm looking for a one-time thing, I'm looking for a one-time thing. I don't care if you come the next day, because it all just feels the same. When I'm looking for a one-time thing, well, I take it all back. Well, every single word that I said. Maybe you got second thoughts in your mind. Maybe you wanna stay the same. Oh hell, maybe you're the one. Well, you're the one that I've been looking for. It was a one-night stand after all. Maybe you're the one? Well, you're the one that I've been looking for. It was a one night stand after all. You can stay or you can go. Well, I was way too drunk last night to tell the truth. To tell the truth, you know, the sober mind does a body fine. When I'm looking at you, when I'm looking at you Cause I ain't looking for a one-time thing, maybe I won't for years in a rain, because it all don't feel the same. When I'm looking for a one-time thing, I ain't looking for a one-time thing. Maybe I care if you're coming next day I'll tell you what man.
Speaker 1:There's another one I'll play. You'll play as we leave for the day. It's really good too. It's called Miss Call. All right, grown man. Tip of the week. Don't let anyone shame you for doing things your way, especially if they ain't doing shit. Whether you're building something, playing something or sipping something or just tinkering with life, keep doing you. Stay curious, stay busy, stay certified and sane. That's it. Certified nonsense, baby. That's it for today's episode. If you vibe with this, go ahead and hit that like and subscribe, leave a review, send a message about what you're working on. I love hearing from other busy minds out there. So until next time, keep your hands moving. You're still bubbling and your playstation charge peace guitar solo.
Speaker 2:I tried to call you on the telephone. I didn't make it past three rings. I tried to think of the perfect things to say to you after the beat. Well, I'm sorry that I'm drunk, I'm sorry what I said, I'm sorry for anything I ever did, but you ain't called back. So I guess I'll get some sleep and I'm waiting patiently.
Speaker 1:But you're done and it's plain to see that I messed up too much. Once again, that's, Once again. That's Treaty Over Vow. You gotta download this, I'm telling you and your life.
Speaker 2:And, oh well, I'm drunk as hell. Guess it's so long, darling. I wish you well and I'll take my goddamn phone and shut it off.
